Flipping a coin

Maybe if I flip a coin, I will be able to make a decision based purely on luck.

50/50 chance.

Those odds aren't so bad.

What am I messing with here?

Am I messing with my future?

Am I messing with the present, which really is my future past?

To quote Greenday

"another turning point, a fork stuck in road"

Some days, fleetingly, it seems I know what needs to be done. Just get on with it, just make the decision and do it. Those thoughts are more often than not swamped by doubt.

Why does something that seemed so right; seemed such the perfect decision, now seem like I was just fooling myself. I will never succeed, I will never fulfill that dream. Was it my dream? Was it a decision I made at another low point that at the time made perfect sense. I wish I could remember. I wish I felt the determination I felt then.

Maybe my future lies in other areas. Would I have made the decision I did, if circumstances were different?

I'm asking questions again that can't be answered. Why am I asking them? I don't know. Am I expecting answers? Probably not.

*flips the coin in the air*